Popular parenting influencers frequently recommend using scripts—specific phrases to say during a child’s tantrum—to manage emotional outbursts. However, research suggests these scripts may not be as effective as promised. Psychologists increasingly recommend using very few words, or none at all, when a child is actively tantruming.
Research finds that using verbal explanation or reasoning during the heat of the moment doesn’t produce consistent or lasting change in behavior. Most parents report that these scripts often fall flat when their child is in the middle of a meltdown. Psychologist Mona Delahoke noted that she’s polled hundreds of parents, and four out of five say that labeling emotions during a tantrum backfires and makes their child more upset.
Several factors explain why scripts may fail. During a tantrum, a child’s ability to understand language becomes impaired, so even words they would typically understand when calm may not register. Talking may encourage a child to respond verbally, which can escalate frustration. Additionally, research finds that children with sensory sensitivities can have trouble processing language in an overwhelming environment, meaning even supportive words may add to the overload rather than help.
Rather than relying on words, nonverbal cues may be more effective. Research finds that children may be more likely to use gestures than words during times of distress. The most important intervention is staying as calm as possible so children can mirror that calm. When children start calming down, simple and concrete language about emotions can begin, but discussions should be kept minimal and paired with emotional regulation strategies. The key is timing and avoiding the practice of solving problems for children every time they’re upset, which prevents them from developing their own emotional regulation abilities.
This article is an AI-assisted summary. All facts and figures are drawn from the original report: https://us.headtopics.com/news/parenting-scripts-may-not-be-the-best-way-to-tame-tantrums-79900486